Recently I picked up a small paperback book at a used book bin. The name of it is “Why Me?” written by Lynn B. Daugherty. It contains “help for victims of child sexual abuse even if they are adults now.” I have been reading such books to compare the effects of sexual abuse with that of spiritual abuse. Having experienced both types of abuse in severe forms , I find the pain of the spiritual bruising of the soul and spirit by abusive church leaders and the emotional suffering of sexual abuse to be very similar in each instance. My belief and experience is that when the trust is broken as in the sexual abuse of a family member , especially a parent to a child , it is much the same as having a trusted pastor or church leader betray and do spiritual harm to a person.
In the book stated above, under the heading of “Trusting”, it says, “Many victims of child sexual abuse have trouble trusting people again. This is especially true for those abused in continuing relationships or incest. This is understandable because these victims were hurt by someone they trusted. Sometimes it takes a very long time to allow yourself to trust others again. Trusting others is always taking a risk. It is painful to trust someone and then be hurt by that person.”
Many who have been abused by false authoritatian leaders find it hard to even enter a church again, no matter how kind and loving the people appear to be. They have been deeply wounded, and it takes time to heal. But I have found it is possible to heal with counseling over time.
Not too long ago I had to deal with a sad awakening. There was a person in my life whom I should have been able to trust, who sexually molested myself and others during all of my childhood . Throughout my childhood and teenage years, he and another family member both made my life a living hell with violent acts of sexual abuse. Both of these predators caused me much suffering, shame, guilt , unspeakable pain, and fear.
Then I grew up, married a wonderful man, and had children of my own. When I was 35 , I became a Christian, and about the same time, so did the older Child Molester. We were actually baptised together. He was nearly 60 by then. I could see that the Lord was working in his life, and I freely forgave him all he had ever done to hurt me. I began to trust him, and for twelve years in my adulthood built upon the relationship.
We shared our testimony in a church, and prayed together whenever we saw each other. We spent hours talking about the Lord and His Love with tears . When he died, I truly loved him, I knew he was still a bit mixed-up , but I could see that he loved Jesus, I knew his salvation was real, and I assumed he had been healed of his past abusive behaviors. Not so!
I was horribly wrong. Ten years after his death, I found out that he had been sexually molesting a little girl who was now 18, and the abuse began when she was only six years old. How many others were damaged during my father’s life , even during his new converted life, only God knows.
The thing that really surprised me was that although I loved the little girl dearly, and agonized over her abuse, my love for the perpetrator did not change. I knew that my forgiveness of him was very real. But I was the wiser for finding out the truth about his secret life. There was a new understanding that some things never change, and just as an alcoholic never truly gets better, it is the same with an abusive sexual perpetrator.
So today as I read Ardith Keef’s Daily Devotional , I shudder at how many child abusers in the form of ”Authority Figures” are out there, in the main stream of life, such as pastors, teachers, and others who appear to be solid and sound , but have sordid pasts and even presently are engaged in secret sins that simply haven’t caught up with them yet. Perhaps someone even well meaningly is enabling them to cover over their past and present shameful behaviors by saying smooth spiritual things such as: “Those who follow hard after Him will be monuments to His faithfulness. You may not be distracted by the thing that you cannot change. On the other hand, you must live in the moment.” Inside the warped mind of a sexual abuser these kinds of words could very well be the go-ahead and a license for a perpetrator who cannot change their hidden behaviors.
Ardith Keef also states, “The Soldier of the Cross will increase in verdure as the years go by.” Sadly in some cases the deeply spiritual-acting person secretly increases in vigor, but that verdure is dark and secret in nature. We have all witnessed from the media almost daily; cases of child pornography, child abuse, and other dark, covert sins in the lives of trusted professionals which when brought into the light was shocking and loathsome. Even the verse of the day on my own home page could easily be misconstrued to the sick psyche of the spiritual minded sex offender as a way to simply put their abuse of others on the back burner, and consider it of little or no importance; “Forgetting what lies behind, we press on to the goal of Christ.”
Until the sexual offender admits his guilt , comes to terms with his evil deeds, and does all he can to make things right with his victim or victims, all the Bible verses in the world are not going to help him. They are only a tiny Band-Aid laid over a gaping, infected wound. The perpetrator has caused great harm to little children in many cases that will go with them as guilt, pain, shame and fear for the rest of their lives, often crippling them for intimacy throughout their adult years, and it is not about the poor hurting offender licking his wounds, it is about his victim. In the same way, it is not about the abusive church/cult leader and their emotional distress, it is about the people of God they have hurt and violated.
When one has covered over a secret life of child abuse , or any other sin, God will not protect that one from being found out no matter how aged or “deeply spiritual” he or she gets. ”For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed: neither hid that shall not be known.” Luke 12:2 When we repent , the Lord does forgive us our sins, but we still reap what we sow, no matter how old we get.
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